ya i know i havent been on recently... but i think ima start writing here again...
life... times like these i wish i had learned my lesson... now when i look back at my past i see the screw ups and the mistakes that i made. i want to improve, i try to improve, but i wish it werent so hard.
the frustration from within just seems to keep building up. now all i can see is that stupid cartoon boy saying woops... how does it feel to be let into a guarded palace with treasures worth unmentionable amounts... then yanked out and thrown to the street to just see the palace from the outside...i wish i could live in that palace cuz of the beauty... but the ages havent changed yet....i saw when my life was going fine the i hit a bump... and that bump messed up my alignment... i got it fixed but in the next second as i am trying out of the tire shop my car slides into the side of the curb... and breaks my tires costing thousands.... i get that fixed and try to move on and i do for a while.. but then i can feel the car from deviating from under my feet...
i see the many people in the masses just walking... but i want to be with those few that have a purpose... but even when walking in the crowd the people see the goal... i wish i could see the goal.. i know there is one, and i beleive there is.. but i wish i get a glimpse.. so it would give me the push i need.... i try to go against the crowd yet with it.. cuz if i go completely against it, i will be knocked down and crushed under the millions of people walking amongst the masses... it hurts to see that those that see themsleves as walking opposite against the crowd are acutally helping the crowd push against the people who are trying to break free...
i try to forget the past but it will not forget me... it will hold on until the end... and will haunt me everday of my life... i have made mistakes and tried to repent i do not want to make those mistakes again, but what do i do when people tell me those mistakes are ok...i know they are lying, but why is peer pressure sooooooo strong.... i try to stop against it but my stupid fool hardynes.... pushes me over the edge.
i do not mean to tell the entire world what i am doin.. but i want to keep it inside, because that is where it belongs, with me and Him... but what to do i tend to screw it up just like others.... i try not to blame myself but i see no other way to find them blameless....
Ya Allah help me with the knowledge, Ya Allah help me iqrah, Ya Allah help me k'um, Ya Allah help me be more optimistic, Ya Allah help me give more compliments than complaints, Ya Allah keep me on the striaght path... ih dinus siratul mustaqeem, ih dinus siratul mustaqeen, IH DINUS SIRATUL MUSTAQEEM...... Ya Allah you are the mighty, the only worth of praise, the only one who can bless those with the straight path.. Ya Allah help me... Ya Allah help me, Ya Allah help me. | 
, just thought id post this here because its been a long time, and i feel like venting... and its like u have noone to vent to without getting in trouble, so u vent to the walls, but little do you know even the walls have ears and can talk.... its like that little story about the little dude that told his story to the twig but then later down the road when another person used the twig for their fiddle, the twig told the story that was told to it... ummm many many thoughts, just wish i had a conforting brick wall to share them with.
